I realized last night while feeding and cuddling Harper that I never published her birth story. There are a few reasons for the delay. Since she arrived life hasn't slowed down. I feel like I am in a constant state of busy even if we are staying at home in our pajamas. I can't seem to get caught of on laundry, dirty dishes appear out of thin air, and toys just keep multiplying. I have been battling a case of postpartum depression and mostly we have just been trying to find our new normal. I feel like we've finally fallen into a good daytime routine, but night times are complete chaos. More on that at another time.
I did write down simple notes and bits that I wanted to remember about the day that Harper joined our family. I remembered from Ryder's birth that even events that I thought I would remember for the rest of time completely altered or I forgot all together. While I was in the hospital holding my sweet sleeping newborn, only hours old, I grabbed a piece of paper and jotted down a few moments and details that I wanted to be sure I remembered. While reading back through them I learned that her birth story is very similar to her brother's, but also so very different.
I had my 39 week appointment on a Thursday morning. After learning that I had dilated and was effacing the doctor and I discussed the option of induction. I have always been against it unless medically necessary. However, my doctor felt concerned that I lived a good distance from the hospital and had experienced a very quick labor with my first. After talking about it and thinking it over we decided to go ahead and schedule the induction for the next morning. I spent that afternoon loving on Ryder and cleaning the house. By the time I took Ryder to my parents that evening I was feeling very out of sorts. I chalked it up to nerves and exhaustion from not sleeping. Seth and I went to a late dinner at Chili's and that's when I knew something just wasn't right. I couldn't sit still. My cramping that I had been having for days suddenly became too intense to breathe. I ended up laying on Ryder's bed that night counting contractions. We were suppose to leave our house around 4:30 in the morning to be on time for the induction. By the time we got to the hospital I couldn't talk through contractions. Once I was admitted and hooked up I was asking for my epidural. The doctor broke my water and discovered that I had progressed to a four so they started my Pitocin at a very low level.
Around 9am the anesthesiologist came in and that's when I started to freak out. I hated getting my epidural done when I was in labor with Ryder. I transitioned while he was trying to get it in place so it was not a pleasant experience. After acting like a complete baby the epidural was in place and taking effect. With Ryder, my body rejected the medicine. So when my legs went completely numb this time around I felt so relieved. Almost immediately after I started to relax I began to feel intense pain in my tail bone. It wasn't the same feeling I remembered about my previous labor so I brushed it off. After an hour of that pain growing and becoming constant I realized that something wasn't right. I paged my nurse and she immediately called my doctor in. We learned that Harper was face up (they want babies to be face down during birth) just like Ryder. They brought in a peanut ball and attempted to roll me to my left side and place the ball between my legs to encourage her to rotate. But that's when things got serious. The pain was excruciating. I wasn't expecting it and I started to cry and yell out loud. During Ryder's birth I was almost completely silent but I didn't have this awful pain! My doctor decided then that this baby was coming. While my doctor was getting her gown and scrubs on she noticed that Harper had already crowned. She instructed me not to push but my body just wasn't listening. Here is where I stopped hearing the room around me. I wanted her out! I remember thinking in my head "baby girl, get the hell out!" but in reality I think I said it out loud. Either way, Harper was out in 4 pushes.
They laid her on my chest and all I kept saying was that she was just a tiny version on her brother 4 years earlier. And she really was! She looked just like him but tiny! She cried for just a moment before they placed a towel over the two of us. I was just so happy that she was in my arms and that awful pain was over! We did skin to skin for about 40 minutes before they weighed, measured, and cleaned her up just a bit. She was immediately given back to me and we sat skin to skin attempting to nurse for a couple hours. This was way different that with my first birth. Ryder was never laid on me and was swaddled and handed to daddy just after birth. I hated it. I wish I had spoken up then, but I didn't know any better. This time I wasn't giving my baby to anyone! That is until I started shaking uncontrollably. About two hours after labor I spiked a sudden fever close to 103 degrees and my body was shaking so hard that the bed was shaking. The sweet nurses put pillows all around me so that Harper would be safer, but they never stopped my from nursing. The fever and shakes continued for 3 hours until I was passing out from the medicine they gave me to control it. That was the first time Harper left my arms. I drifted in and out for awhile and I don't remember too much of what was happening.
Around 4pm I was finally able to hold my sweet baby without shaking, I cried on and off for the rest of the evening while I sent message to my mom and took photos for Ryder. I was missing my boy so much! I was able to get up and take a shower before dinner and all I kept thinking the entire time was how different this experience was compared to the first time. With both babies I labored at the hospital for 5 hours. I didn't need medication with Ryder, but with Harper I took pain medication and still felt like I had been through a war. I hurt everywhere!
I sent Harper to the nursery with my amazing night nurse around 2am so I could get some rest. She brought her back in before shift change and I hadn't really slept but I felt oddly rested. The entire morning was spent struggling to nurse my sweet baby girl. I have two flat nipples and one is inverted. I knew this was a problem with Ryder, but he was also tongue tied and couldn't latch. Harper could latch, but it caused unbelievable pain when she did. Lactation nurses were in my room every two hours to help her nurse and offer advice but nothing was working. I pumped before every feeding in hopes to pull my nipple out enough that she could get a good latch without pain. It never happened.
After lunch my parents brought Ryder up to meet his baby sister. He was overwhelmed and scared but loved her. Their visit was short and I went straight back to painfully nursing. By dinner Harper and I were both screaming from frustration and hunger. My amazing night nurse tried everything to help but by 10pm I resorted to formula. I still nursed first for 15 minutes on each side before offering the formula all night long. It was torture but I knew she was getting some colostrum so I was happy. Overall Harper's birth was rough. It wasn't the magical experience I had the first time. It was intense and scary at times but the greatest girl came out of it.
Harper Noel
October 27, 2017
11:33am
7 lbs 7 oz
19 inches
Around 9am the anesthesiologist came in and that's when I started to freak out. I hated getting my epidural done when I was in labor with Ryder. I transitioned while he was trying to get it in place so it was not a pleasant experience. After acting like a complete baby the epidural was in place and taking effect. With Ryder, my body rejected the medicine. So when my legs went completely numb this time around I felt so relieved. Almost immediately after I started to relax I began to feel intense pain in my tail bone. It wasn't the same feeling I remembered about my previous labor so I brushed it off. After an hour of that pain growing and becoming constant I realized that something wasn't right. I paged my nurse and she immediately called my doctor in. We learned that Harper was face up (they want babies to be face down during birth) just like Ryder. They brought in a peanut ball and attempted to roll me to my left side and place the ball between my legs to encourage her to rotate. But that's when things got serious. The pain was excruciating. I wasn't expecting it and I started to cry and yell out loud. During Ryder's birth I was almost completely silent but I didn't have this awful pain! My doctor decided then that this baby was coming. While my doctor was getting her gown and scrubs on she noticed that Harper had already crowned. She instructed me not to push but my body just wasn't listening. Here is where I stopped hearing the room around me. I wanted her out! I remember thinking in my head "baby girl, get the hell out!" but in reality I think I said it out loud. Either way, Harper was out in 4 pushes.
{ cutest first yawn }
They laid her on my chest and all I kept saying was that she was just a tiny version on her brother 4 years earlier. And she really was! She looked just like him but tiny! She cried for just a moment before they placed a towel over the two of us. I was just so happy that she was in my arms and that awful pain was over! We did skin to skin for about 40 minutes before they weighed, measured, and cleaned her up just a bit. She was immediately given back to me and we sat skin to skin attempting to nurse for a couple hours. This was way different that with my first birth. Ryder was never laid on me and was swaddled and handed to daddy just after birth. I hated it. I wish I had spoken up then, but I didn't know any better. This time I wasn't giving my baby to anyone! That is until I started shaking uncontrollably. About two hours after labor I spiked a sudden fever close to 103 degrees and my body was shaking so hard that the bed was shaking. The sweet nurses put pillows all around me so that Harper would be safer, but they never stopped my from nursing. The fever and shakes continued for 3 hours until I was passing out from the medicine they gave me to control it. That was the first time Harper left my arms. I drifted in and out for awhile and I don't remember too much of what was happening.
Around 4pm I was finally able to hold my sweet baby without shaking, I cried on and off for the rest of the evening while I sent message to my mom and took photos for Ryder. I was missing my boy so much! I was able to get up and take a shower before dinner and all I kept thinking the entire time was how different this experience was compared to the first time. With both babies I labored at the hospital for 5 hours. I didn't need medication with Ryder, but with Harper I took pain medication and still felt like I had been through a war. I hurt everywhere!
I sent Harper to the nursery with my amazing night nurse around 2am so I could get some rest. She brought her back in before shift change and I hadn't really slept but I felt oddly rested. The entire morning was spent struggling to nurse my sweet baby girl. I have two flat nipples and one is inverted. I knew this was a problem with Ryder, but he was also tongue tied and couldn't latch. Harper could latch, but it caused unbelievable pain when she did. Lactation nurses were in my room every two hours to help her nurse and offer advice but nothing was working. I pumped before every feeding in hopes to pull my nipple out enough that she could get a good latch without pain. It never happened.
After lunch my parents brought Ryder up to meet his baby sister. He was overwhelmed and scared but loved her. Their visit was short and I went straight back to painfully nursing. By dinner Harper and I were both screaming from frustration and hunger. My amazing night nurse tried everything to help but by 10pm I resorted to formula. I still nursed first for 15 minutes on each side before offering the formula all night long. It was torture but I knew she was getting some colostrum so I was happy. Overall Harper's birth was rough. It wasn't the magical experience I had the first time. It was intense and scary at times but the greatest girl came out of it.
Harper Noel
October 27, 2017
11:33am
7 lbs 7 oz
19 inches
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